Flying the nest...

So I'm going to Romania in 9 days!

I'm going to make a gap year blog to store memories, reflect on what God's been doing in my life and of course what I've been doing and learning.

This is a big thing for me. Originally my mum and dad were totally against me doing this gap year but now, mum's all for it and dad's just accepted the fact I'm doing it! I can't believe how quickly the summer has gone in, it's crazy! 18 weeks ago was my last day of school! Doesn't feel like it, and in 2 days I'm leaving home for 7 weeks. I keep telling people in exactly 2 months I'll be back home, which is true, I'm back on the 9th November.

I'm so excited to see what's going to happen, what God's going to challenge me to do. After all, I felt like He was telling me to get out of my comfort zone, so this is what I'm doing! Leaving home for 7 weeks to serve others and share the love of God through actions. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous! There's a lot of scariness that comes with this, I've never been to Romania before, I have never been away from my parents or home for this long and I don't know the majority of the people who are going on Xplore. I have the comfort of knowing 3 people and knowing that most of the people are from Northern Ireland (so I'm told).

I might still update this blog, just when I feel like rambling about something not about the gap year, but I don't know how often that'll be! For now, it's a cherio for this blog but onto the next! I'll post the link to facebook as per usual and see what comes of it!

Thank you for reading my sometimes controversial opinions and rants ;)

Charlotte :3

Hmm... Controversial!

As you all know I am indeed a Christian which means that yes I do read the Bible (not as often as I should) and I try and follow the guidance laid out for me. I often find myself forming my own opinions on things and then reading the Bible to find out that actually that's not really what I should think. I mean, this makes Christianity sound really controlling and like it tells you what you should think BUT really in 2012 is some of the Bible really relevant?! I'm only pondering this because I've been looking into Mathew chapter 5 and came across some divorce stuff. In this day and age divorce is pretty common. Let's face it! The Bible has some pretty strong views on the subject and I apparently have different views oh dear.

So after reading Mathew 5: 31-32 which says:

"Remember the Scripture that says, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him do it legally, giving her divorce papers and her legal rights.'? Too many of you are using that as a cover for selfishness and whim, pretending to be righteous just because you are 'legal.' Please no more pretending. If you divorce your wife, you're responsible for making her an adulteress (unless she has already made herself that by sexual promiscuity). And if you marry such a divorced adulteress, you're automatically an adulterer yourself. You can't use legal cover to mask a moral failure."

Please don't skip over reading it because it's vitally important to what I'm going to talk about for the next few lines or so. Go on, read it! You might even find that you don't agree with it. 

In fact, most people don't agree with it. I know many people who's parents are divorced and are re-married. I'm totally cool with it! I'm not going to pry on why they got divorced because that's just rude and may upset people, plus why would I want to know? According to this passage, anyone who marries the woman who is divorced, becomes an adulterer himself. This is the part I totally disagree with. I really get that if you're going to get married you should stay together until death do you part. I'm a firm believer in that but, if you are to get divorced then should you be a single pringle the rest of your life?! I'm sure if I ever got divorced not planning on it, I would like to think I could get re-married and not be considered an adulteress.

Now, reasoning for ending a marriage is between the two people involved but, what is being said here is that the legal termination of a marriage that God has set out is being abused by those who simply cannot be bothered to work out their problems. Apart from those who have committed adultery (NIV). Harsh? This is where I find where to stand difficult. If trust is broken then it's pretty much gone forever. If you've ever been cheated on or betrayed by your best friend you'll know what I'm talking about! It's pretty darn hard to regain trust! Ending marriage for other reasons is an iffy subject, as in you aren't attracted to the person anymore. Well couldn't you have worked that out before marriage? Maybe the ''honeymoon period'' is just over? I'd say work on it before ending it! And if the conclusion comes that you just can't work then end it. There's no point in being unhappy!

This is a really difficult subject but on the whole getting re-married subject, I don't know if I entirely agree! Maybe I need to study this a bit further and look for different passages and verses to get a whole image rather than two verses!

Hope I haven't offended anyone :)

Charlotte :3

One Month Diary!

It's been a while!

So I've now been keeping my journal for a month exactly now! Started it on the 18th July and it's now 18th August! It kinda seems like ages ago that I bought it but it's only been a month! A lot has happened this month, I've met a bunch of new people, gap year has been confirmed, cancelled my university places, applied for university in 2013! A lot has happened! I've been out pretty much every night, no not drinking but hanging out in my car or going to the cinema or on walks. At the start of my diary, there's some horrible things written down, not about other people but about how I was feeling... emotionally. I'm going to start a new paragraph otherwise this will just be one big chunk of blab!

So basically, I'm very influenced by events that happen in my life as I'm an emotional person. I'm not going to go into details about what happened but it was bad and thankfully I have amazing people in my life who I can talk to and actually cry in front of! I'm also good at hiding my emotions in front of people who I don't want to know what I'm feeling. At this time I was taking my inhaler every day! So bad, I think the stress brought it on which is never fun. So after having this downer of about a week, I was sick of it and actively made a decision to cheer up and listen to some teaching. I can actually be quite wise at times, surprisingly! In my journal the last paragraph says, "I have to choose love and peace. Can't just expect it to come naturally especially in difficult situations." Like seriously for me being a right wee weirdo at times that's pretty sensible! To be honest, I get annoyed easily and tied up emotionally in things, I need to learn to let go and just go with the flow sometimes. This next year is going to be so challenging and amazing I can't wait for it to begin! Don't get me wrong I'm going to miss home for 7 weeks but really this is one of the best opportunities I'm going to get to go out and just leave my sometimes selfish tendencies behind. I'm going to just give it my everything and make a bunch of new friends who all have the same faith as I do!

Onto a different subject, I got my A level results... BBC! Cannot believe it! I'm now in the process of applying for university in 2013, I'm applying for 2 courses in social work and youth and community work so fingers crossed someone wants to have me :) Working with people is my passion and I really want to be working with young people or children because it's in me to do it! Don't get me wrong I love my music and dance but as a job, wow I'd love to be working with people! Actually helping people! Getting far too excited here haha!

I'm going to end this blog here as it's getting a bit long and babbily! :)

Charlotte :3

My days... :)

So today and yesterday have been very good! :)

Yesterday I went up to Stiff Kitten bar to see about a job at Belsonic, so did like 50 other people. Wow. Didn't expect that at all! They said that the people at the front of the queue had been waiting since 1:30, baring in mind it was like 3:00 ish so Leah and I decided to leave and go get something to eat at Nandos! I flipping love the pitas at Nandos, they are unreal, have to have garlic sauce with them of course! So after this we went to meet Lewis, one of Leah's friends, lovely boy and rather funny! So after this we went to the cinema in Dundonald and oh my days it's huge and cheaper than Bangor cinema. Same company but apparently it can be cheaper... :/ Anyway, we went to see the new Batman... EPIC! That is the only way to describe that movie, seriously epic. Tom Hardy is an amazing actor with a lot of scope! Cannot believe the different roles he can play! Very handsome as well, may I add ;) After this, Leah and I collected Hannah from her house and chilled with Lewis and one of his friends for a wee while! Hannah then wanted to get her chinese so I dropped her home then drove to meet some more of Leah's friends but I know Brett and Connor already. I don't think I've laughed so much in ages! Brett playfully slapped Leah in the face and she made the most ridiculous noise that just made me errupt, took about 10 minutes for me to recover and my abs were aching so bad after the laughing fit! It was amazing to be able to laugh like that again because I wasn't having a very good week until yesterday. Taekwondo helped too! I love how exercise can just cheer you up and get you going for the day, it's so simple to just go to the gym yet 1/2 the time I can't be bothered but when I do go I always love it and feel energized afterwards!

Today wasn't eventful at all but it was still good! I gave my brother and his friend Max a lift to their hostel in Belfast as Max isn't from here so Phil is going to show him around Belfast! :) After that I haven't done anything apart from chill in the house and play some Skyrim. I started a new character as a Wood Elf because the Imperial wasn't really suiting what I wanted to do! It's a waste of a level 13 character but oh well! Wood Elf is good at archery and pickpocketing so it's good for being in thieves guild! If you don't know Skyrim then you've probably lost interest/ have no idea what I'm going on about! I love it! Soo good! Going to build up this character (her name is Gala) until my brother goes away, so I have about a month to build her up to her best haha!

Much happiness and smiles,

Charlotte :3

Learning from myself!

Every so often, I find myself upset by things that are clearly just little silly things in the grand scheme of things. I've learned over the past wee while that nothing is too big or too little for God. I have to catch myself when I'm in that moment of anger, self annoyance or just being sad. I have to make an active effort to tell God what's up and then read the Bible where I know I'll find the answers to my problems and I always come out being like, "you know what, it's not that bad. I just need to sort it out." God's dealt with it in my head and it's all good now. I had one of these tonight. Totally just babbled to my best friend Leah about it and while it helps to babble to a friend about your problems or what you're randomly feeling upset about, God is always the ultimate person to go to.

As I was reading the Bible, I was just guided towards Ephesians and I love Paul's letters, they're just fabulous but tonight Ephesians 4 offered some epic advice to me just what I needed, here's the verses:

• God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love - like Christ in everything.
• But that's no life for you. You learned Christ! 
• Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry - but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life. 
• Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.

You could actually meld all of those together and it would be sound advice that makes sense. I can't help but sometimes think I can't be made to feel better about certain things, I doubt God's strength sometimes and I'm not afraid to admit that because I'm always proven wrong, hopefully I've learned this time and I'm definitely growing in faith as I go though more hardships and good times. Making effort to go to God about stuff is part of my growth instead of going into myself and doing stupid things like not eating or not leaving my bed for days on end, its happened before and it's not going to happen again because I've finally discovered that I can change it. Nothing is too big for God. He's not some distant 'thing' that is too big for me to talk to, He's my dad that gives me hugs when I need them, and solid (sometimes difficult to take) advice when I need it and is always there for me to talk to. He loves me unconditionally and I'm His, I'm in His hands... He's got me.

Love and hugs,

Charlotte :3

Starbucks!

Okay so I made a list of what I wanted to do with my life today and one of them was to go to coffee by myself. I'm here! I'm actually at coffee by myself!

Now if you know me, you know that I don't really go anywhere by myself and this is actually quite a big step for me to be coming out by myself with my laptop and just typing a blog. I actually wasn't sure if I would be able to do a blog on my laptop in here because it said BT Openzone and that usually means you need to use your own BT password and username to get to the internet and I don't know my one... oops. But according to Starbucks that isn't the case so this is what I'm doing.

So my experience so far has been quite pleasant actually, no weird looks or anything. I must look like I'm doing something of importance because I was reading some papers about my university course for next year, needed to find out more before I actually made the choice to do the course and now I'm typing on a laptop probably looking like I'm thinking quite a lot. I also have a bucket of tea! Like, seriously, it's flipping huge!

So here's the list that I made, wee intsagram picture of last nights motivation business. Still need to do half of it but hey, coffee is a start!

Love from Starbucks,

Charlotte :3

Living it out

So currently I'm sitting at groomsport or donaghadee (don't know which) just listening to the waves. Appreciating what's here. Yes I'm by myself, needed a wee drive to think and sometimes it's nice to be by yourself. Occasionally cars drive past but it's mostly just me and the waves. I did take a picture but you can't see anything and I don't think I can put pictures in on my phone anyway, but it's nice sitting here just enjoying the sound of the waves. I need to sleep so I'll head off now, hope you enjoy your place as much as I do mine.

Charlotte :3

Taking things for granted...

Beware, deep blog ahead!

So I stumbled upon a wonderful poem that saddened my heart a little bit:

Cranky Old Man.....
What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?
What are you thinking .. . when you're looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . ... . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . ... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. ...Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ... . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It's jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.
Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. .... . ME!!

It's amazing what we miss. We all look at people and judge them by appearance or by the way they act when we first meet them. First impressions are often wrong and if we don't give people the chance will we truly be able to say we like or dislike that person? I want to be able to give people the chance to get to know me and give myself the chance to get to know people. Look around at your friends and ask yourself, do you really know them? Is there something about them that tells you that maybe you need to look a little bit deeper and you've just taken for granted that they've told you everything that you need to know? I can see in some people that their soul has been hurt by something or someone and they just put up a facade of being happy, funny or just trying to act normal. There's always a chink in the chain at some point, it's just seeing it and reassuring someone you're always there for them and they can trust you and talk to you about anything. I'd like to think my close friends could come to me about anything, I'm quite a listener and if you need to just get something out of your system, I'm quite good at just being a shoulder to cry on and I hope my friends see that. 

So often we take people or places for granted. For example, I've complained that Bangor can be crappy at times but really, it's a beautiful place to live. We're right beside the sea, can go walk along the coast at any time we like but just because there isn't much to do in the town center we think it's kinda rubbishy when in fact we just take our beautiful scenery for granted. I could stay up all night and just listen to the waves crash against the rocks and just for once, appreciate what I have right now. Sometimes things fall apart, things end and we don't want them to. I'm moving onto the next stage of my life at the minute and to be honest, it's scary. Something inside me is freaking out a little bit because I'm growing up and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Everything that has been so certain up to now has ended. You always think things will last forever, school for example, you can't wait for it to end and you never really believe it will but then it does and you're left thinking, wow... I'm not going back to school in September, I'm not going to see some people ever again and I the people I'm closest to are moving elsewhere, as am I. For 7 weeks in September I'll be in a completely different culture, Romania. While everyone else is in the UK I'm going to Eastern Europe, scary right? But exciting at the same time because I'm going to gain a whole new perspective on what I have and what is valuable to me. I'll come back and be in Monkstown which is about 40 minutes from Bangor which is good and I can't wait to get to work there too! 

In church yesterday, our minister was preaching about being thankful. As I reflected on this I found I complain... a lot. And why should I because I live in the #7 richest country in the world! That's crazy! So many people have less than me and they don't complain because they value what they have more than I do. They have the bare essentials, sometimes not even, and can rejoice in that because they haven't been spoiled by adverts telling them they need to have the latest laptop, iphone, ipad or whatever else we 'need'. We're so materialistic and don't try and trick yourself by saying you're not because let's face it practically everyone in the UK is. Not necessarily our own personal fault but we can't completely blame advertisers for our own greed.

I challenge anyone (who has managed to get this far in the very long blog) to look into their lives and see the people, places and objects around them and not be grateful that they have family, a bed, a laptop or a place they know to be beautiful and can easily get to it. Just look into your life and be thankful for what you do have rather than looking and seeing what isn't there.

As difficult as it is to not want or long for something we don't have, think of something you do have.

Crappy job? At least you have one.
Old laptop? At least you have one.
Car that's falling apart? At least you have one.
Annoying family? At least you have one.

I think I've made my point here. I can learn from my own babbles too. My name's Charlotte McVeigh and I'm a typical Northern Irish complainer. I'm not just going to deal with it and accept it, I want to change it. I hope you do too.

Charlotte :3

Trending topics on twitter...

So I've had a bit of trouble thinking of what to blog about today as I have done absolutely nothing. Like a serious amount of nothingness. So I wanted to blog to fill my boredom until I felt sleepy enough to just go to sleep and wake up at a normal time, problem. Done nothing today to blog about. I have therefore consulted twitters trending thing to find something to talk about. Options are:

1. rockday (wtf?)
2. Harrison Ford is 70 (do I care?)
3. Today is national french fry day (possibility)
4. ccc (wtf?)
5. Cancelled webshows (boreddd)
6. Happy Friday 13th (could do that)
7. Black hole sun (don't know what that's about)
8. Missão Impossível (wtf?)
9... Oh no it's just changed. GREAT.

Okay... decided I'm going to do the superstition of Friday the 13th.

This is an ''unlucky'' day according to some people where bad stuff can happen. Now I don't get this as bad stuff can happen on any day of the year YET people have decided that more bad stuff happens on days where it is indeed a Friday and the day of the month is the 13th. Scary. So I've gone onto Wikipedia to do some research on the topic and apparently there are a few theories. Numero uno por favor!

1. In numerology the number 12 represents completeness. This has come about as 12 hours on the clock, 12 months in a year, 12 Gods of Olympus, 12 tribes of Israel, 12 Apostles of Jesus, 12 signs of Zodiac etc. etc. This would then mean that the number 13 would be considered irregular. Some say this is derived from the Last Supper where there were 13 people sat at the table or a Norse myth that having 13 people eating at the table would result in one of the diners dying. 
2. Friday has been considered an unlucky day to make journeys or start new projects by ''other professions.'' It also says that Friday has been an unlucky day since the 14th century's ''The Canterbury Tales.'' I have no idea what that is!
3. An author unnamed (handy) says that it derived from a novel called ''Friday the Thirteenth'' by Thomas W. Lawson. Where stuff goes down on that day basically. 
4. Dan Brown's book ''The Da Vinvi Code'' popularized the connection between The Knights Templar and the Friday the 13th superstition.   

Wow. I'm not really for this whole Friday the 13th business. It's just another day of the year! I think people get themselves trapped in superstitions such as breaking mirrors and 7 years of bad luck, walking under ladders etc etc. It's pretty much always negative which is just plain RUBBISH! Sorry if anyone strongly believes in these but I just find it all a bit silly!

There you have it. A very concise version of the theories of Friday the 13th. Hope you enjoyed my ramble and this has taken up about 30 minutes of my time and I'm going to go have a bath now to waste 30 more and then go to bed.

Happy Friday 13th everyone ;)

Charlotte :3

The 12th... dun dun dunn!

Oh hey there!

So today it is the 12th July... big day in Northern Ireland as it is indeed a public holiday and celebrates something quite... well... I don't know how to describe it but I shall indeed explain the situation.

Basically there was this battle called, battle of the Boyne in which King William of Orange won victory over James II. Now, as King William of Orange was Protestant and James II was Catholic, the 12th is a Protestant holiday. Some Protestants take it seriously and go to bonfires and the parades which is all good fun so long as there isn't any rioting or fighting which there often is due to alcohol and differences of opinion. I personally don't really go to any of the parades or bonfires, I don't really know why I've only seen the marching bands once in my life and it's alright like but I duno me and standing up for a while don't really go well together! I've never been to a bonfire either, must go to one some day! Would definitely be up for the experience :)

So that's the 12th in a very, very, small, tiny, nutshell! I'm one of those people who are in the middle. All for people wanting to celebrate it, all for people not wanting to celebrate it! I can see both sides. I guess it was never a big thing in my family as no one is in the Orange Order or marches in the bands so I really have no reason to go apart for enjoyment or celebration but sometimes things get out of hand and I'd prefer to stay out of the trouble than be right in the middle of something I don't want to be involved in. Hope I haven't caused any controversy with bringing up this topic! Northern Ireland is a place where, sometimes, it matters if you're Protestant or Catholic. I believe in equal opportunities and don't see why religion should separate us! :)

Hope you're enjoying your 12th what ever you may be doing :)

Charlotte :3

It's been a good day :)

So today's been very, very good :)

It started with going to church which was an unusual experience as it was a Methodist service (I'm Church of Ireland... don't judge!) and I didn't know 1/2 of the songs or this thing called the Benediction at the end which is like the Grace in COI. So that was good and the guys (xplore Peter and Stephen) got a wee present at the start of the service from the church to say thanks for everything. They've been such great guys the whole year, always working hard but also providing us with lots of banter and weirdness :) If it wasn't for them I wouldn't be doing Xplore next year or have come so far in my faith this past 9 months. I guess they've given me all aspects of friendship, always been there for me and given me sound advice. For that I'll be forever thankful.

So church was over and we went to the Rutledge's for lunch which is always good and we had some good food (when I say good... I mean KFC!) then some dessert of malteser cheesecake and oh my days it was amazing! So we then watched the tennis for a bit then Jeff and I headed round to the church to set up and sort some logistics out of what people were going to sit on and where, how to make it as informal and comfortable as possible! We then went our separate ways for dinner and came back for a bit more practice and set up then we were ready to just go for it and give it our all! :) It went really well and I actually enjoyed playing in front of people without being too nervous! The setting was so casual and informal that I think it relaxed me a lot and I would definitely be able to do another one after doing that one!

After the gig we all chilled for a bit and one of Jeff's friends hung about and played the guitar and jammed! It was awesome! We then played football for a while and who knew that my ninja skills would come in handy for football?! Haha! Over all it was just a really good night and I think praying before we went out to play helped a lot and people seemed to enjoy the night and we definitely did. (or I did LOL) One bad part was saying good-bye to Stephen, even though he didn't wait around, Peter and Neville. I know I'll see them all again because Stephen is helping with the Holiday Bible Club in my church and then Neville is head of Xplore and Peter is doing Xplore next year again so it's not a proper good-bye but I'll definitely miss having them around all the time and in church as well! 

Last thought: God is good, He provides us with talents that bring people closer and make us feel alive and in touch with ourselves again. 

Much, much, crazy, hyper love!

Charlotte :3

Up and down...

Okay... prepare yourself for a bit of a ramble of a blog!

My life is being consumed by music at the minute which is great as I do indeed need something to be doing rather than just sitting about the house doing absolutely nothing and wasting my time so having something to work towards is great. I'm playing with 2 friends at a gig on Saturday so I've been practicing quite considerably at that and to be honest I love it! I could easily go about doing gigs but I don't think it's meant to be. I need to see how my nerves go on Saturday because I'm usually quite nervous playing in front of people, even my friends and the fact I've been able to play in front of Jeff and Stephen is quite an achievement. I think I know why though, I can hide behind them on my wee piano while they bust out some fabulous music on the guitar/vocals and the drum, which is in fact a cool box!

Last night, Jeff came over to my house so we could do some hard work and work out the chords in the songs as was hadn't actually already done that which was silly but oh well I can cope! Then we went to McDonalds and then back to his house for some tv! McDonalds is a nice reward for working hard :)

Here we are at today then. At about 2:25pm I rolled up to the church in my wee ka to find everyone was waiting for me.. oops! I had a slight mishap on the way though as I forgot to bring the sheet of paper that has ALL the chords on it... Good one Charlotte! So I got there and we went in and ran into another problem, there was something wrong with Jeff's guitar! When plugging it into the sound system the guitar wasn't picking up some of the notes and only came out with a horrible muffling sound! So we went without the sound system and had a really good practice! Stephen was on the drum box thing and it sounds good! We have another practice tomorrow like early, early, early in the morning! Can't wait, should be fun! :)

So I came home 11 minutes late tonight and my mum took a physco as did I when she she started on me. I just let out everything I'd been feeling over the past few weeks and literally yelled it at her! It felt good to get it out but now I'm wrecked, emotionally and physically. All the crying has worn me out but it was good to get it out. I've never had such a bad fight with anyone before it was awful, I hate arguing with my mum but sometimes the anger gets the best of me and I just let loose when I know I should just leave it, I don't. I've just had a bath and I'm going to try to sleep in about 30 minutes, so a cup of tea and possibly a magnum is on the cards as I need chocolate after tonight.

It's chill time,

Charlotte :3

Long time no blog...

Well hello there little bloggie how's things?

So yeah seems I haven't posted in a wee while... oops. Not a lot has been happening really apart from my exams being over and me being out most of the time!

I'll start with my music practical, it went quite well actually, surprisingly! I remembered all my words and managed most of the high notes in singing and only messed up minorly in the piano pieces so we're all good, no more syllabus to learn! YAY! Currently working on some Einaudi pieces! I have to say his music just makes me want to melt it is so beautiful. It's hard to see how one instrument can make such beautiful music but clearly it can! :) I'm so lucky to have had an amazing teacher for 11 years of my life and I can now go and do my own thing and know how to properly learn and play the piano, it's great :) I really want to be able to write my own piano pieces but I haven't thought I can but I might as well try and see how things go.. I might start writing one tonight, we'll see how that turns out!

So exams ended and I've been out of the house quite a lot actually just spending the nights with people who make me laugh and feel good and happy! I honestly have really amazing friends! I know I've said it before but I cannot describe how amazing they really are! :) It makes me a little bit sad that 2 of my best friends are leaving in September, it's not like I won't see them but I'll miss seeing them week in, week out and I'm going to steal them over their uni holidays! I'll meet a whole load of other people next year because my gap year has been sorted out now... YES! I'm way excited about it! Romania for 7 weeks! Then off to Monkstown :) Way way way way excited!

As much as home is good, I feel the need to move on. I was visiting school yesterday and I didn't feel like I belonged there anymore. It's the strangest feeling ever, I've been there 14 years of my life and I don't feel like I belong there anymore. I've accepted the fact that I'm growing up and bigger and better things are waiting for me. The next phase is starting and my personal growth is just beginning and I'm hoping I turn out okay. I want to be someone that people can run to when they feel sad or scared, I want to be the one telling them it's okay and it'll all turn out the way it's meant to. I like to be there for people and I guess that's why I don't want to do music technology anymore. I can't be dealing with an industry where the only people I really talk to are my bosses. I want to be involved with people, helping them in whatever they need help with or even just talking to kids who come to a youth club just to get away from home. I've been doing that, I've been running away from home by being out so often and so late. To be honest, running away from it, getting away doesn't help much because you always need to come back.

From a thoughtful me,

Charlotte :3

Home but not really...

So I've returned to my ''home.'' The reason for the inverted commas is the fact that I could call anywhere my home. I'm one of those people who just live in a place and call it home really! I don't tend to spend a lot of time in the house as I don't see the point in wasting time indoors by yourself, in case you can't tell I'm a bit of a people person. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy being by myself but I do like to have people around me.

McDonalds and Chinese food has become too familiar to me and I seriously need to get my act together with this whole eating thing because I go all day without food and then eat rubbish for dinner which is not good! I don't want to get flipping clogged arteries! Anyway. The gym is calling but I can't until like next Monday which sucks, I don't want to wear myself out before my dance shows! Yes plural, 3 in total. It's going to be so much fun but so so so sad at the same time as it's the last one ever for the whole grade 8 class :( Ballet has been a huge chunk of my life and developed so many skills in me! I going to miss the banter of dancing as well as the actual dancing, my class is amazing! :)

I've finished for summer now as well so that's pretty darn amazing, had my last exam today which was my music practical and it actually went pretty well, I'll be disappointed if the marks don't reflect how much work I put into it! Everything is ending but at the same time everything is starting and to be honest I think it's time to move on to bigger and better things, I've don a lot of growing up this year and part of that will be leaving school behind and as sad as it is to not see everyone everyday I'm going to meet so many more amazing people! Next year is now sorted and gap year is for sure now so YAY! I'm beyond excited for it and cannot wait to get started! Everything's falling into place now and the future excites me plus things are going pretty darn good at the minute too (apart from the occasional fall out with the parents).

Closing statement: People are cool.

Charlotte :3

Oft for the weekend!

So currently I'm not in my own house... And you're probably wondering why.

Well I would like to say I'm staying with my friend for the weekend because her parents are away but that is not the case. My dad and I had a pretty big fall out last night and I'm not going into details but it was bad. I was left to go up into my bedroom in tears because of what he said and I really can't stick it anymore so I needed to get out of the house. Luckily Belinda is and amazing person and was able to take me in as she is living in her granny's who is away traveling at the minute so I'm able to talk to her if I'm feeling down and we're able to have good sensible deep conversations about faith and stuff but we're also pretty silly sometimes which is fun :) I'm so grateful for a friend like Belinda.

Today we have been doing errands and eating McDonalds, then I went to the last kids club (sad!) and she went to a youth thing in her church. The last kids club was great! Got talking to some of the parents and the children were responding well to the activities we put on so overall it was a success!

Kids are a wonderful refreshment to us! They can come out with things that just spark your thoughts and make you think about how you view things. Very rarely is there a child that would be prejudice about a person who is a different race than them, they may ask why their skin is that colour but they wouldn't mean it in a nasty way which is refreshing! They also have a lot of good questions about faith that get you thinking and it's a good feeling to be able to tell a child how God gave you back your life or how He has enriched your life in some way! Kids are awesome!

I'm off to enjoy my water bottle and eat cookies! :3

Charlotte :3

Revision Break!

Oh my days, last paper exam tomorrow... Glorious!

So I'm just taking a short revision break as I cannot have my brain working for more than about 2 1/2 hours at a time so this is going to be part of my break! I've just done a health and social care paper and got 72.5% which is good considering I've done barely any revision on it at all and according to 2011's grade boundaries that counts as a B so I'm pretty happy with that but I'm convinced I need to get an A or A* in this module to get a B over all but we'll see how that turns out!

So while I'm on my break I'm having a cup of tea and a packet of malteasers and possibly going to watch an episode of big bang theory for a bit of a brain rest and watch them saying big words while laughing unconrollably at how much my brother looks like Sheldon Cooper! Really, look at the picture of my brother in one of my blog posts (can't remember which one it is) and then Google a wee picture of Sheldon from big bang and you'll pee yourself at how similar they are! haha!

Awesome, I'm going to watch big bang theory now!

Toodles!

Charlotte :3

P.S sorry for any spelling mistakes, my brain is mushy and this computer doesn't have any spell check!

Aw man, just melt!

Oh my days, this is gona be short because I'm currently melting over this wonderful music.

Ron Pope. My love for him has just grown so much more tonight! I've only recently started to listen to him again as I just have a whole load of his songs on my itunes but no actual album but I have to say this album Whatever It Takes is just FAB. Oh my gosh if you haven't listened, get yourself onto spotify and listen, any girl out there will melt at 'Our Song' and 'Wherever You Go' man this guy can SING! His lyrics will make any girl fall in love but in 'Wait for You' there's these lyrics:

"Sometimes I don't believe in anything
So many things I never knew
I may seem lost but know this I swear is true
I will wait for you"

Now you tell me that isn't totally like relevant to some peoples relationships these days! This is totally my hopeless romantic side coming out. Yes I love walks along the beach, sunrise, sunset, roses and cuddles on a cold night. To meet me you'd probably not think I'm a softie but really inside, I am. It's all a defense mechanism really, my wall! Everyone has one and it doesn't really matter because if someone is willing to persist with your 'wall' then they're worth being friends with! :) 

Aw Ron Pope you bring out the girlie girl in me!

Charlotte :3 

Oh hey there no sleep!

3:00am is my body actually kidding me?! It's seriously just messing up these days and I ain't too happy about it!

Anyways...

So this week I've been a bit of an animal murderer! :( First off I killed a daring bird, then without realizing until after I'd just squished it... I killed a frog, innocently hopping across the road! Silly frog! Then today I had to kill a spider. It was chasing me around the bathroom, not even joking! It was quite disgusting actually, let's just say there were spider juices every where. Not amused!

Update on my chest, um it's probably allergies but the dr isn't ruling out the possibility of asthma. Great! So they've given me allergy tablets and a blue inhaler which I had to use today :( The good thing is that it works like straight away and it feels good to be able to breathe! So that's what's happening there and now my mum is concerned that I might have something wrong with my thyroid because I have incredibly shaky hands but this is pretty much the only symptom I think so I'm not too worried! Mum's mega like I have to get you to the drs though so I'll go to make her happy! 

So today I woke up at 1:30pm due to this whole not sleeping thing and went out with my friend Jess at like 3:00pm for a wee catch up as we have not had beffer time in forever so it was much needed and was accompanied by Dominos pizza and a cuppa from McDonalds :D It was a good day and I was a bit late in for dinner which dad wasn't happy about but ohhh well! I have no idea how the heck I'm going to get up at flipping 8:15am tomorrow/today, like seriously what is my body up to?! Awk well, build a bridge Charlotte seriously.

Hope you can sleep better than I can!

Charlotte :3

Bored.com

So I'm in Bloomfield surgery right at this moment in time waiting (rather impatiently) for them to open the doors so I can get this chest thing sorted. I hope I don't get the same dr as last time because she'll think I'm a right hypo coming back like every month because I discover something else wrong with me. I mean it's never anything majorly bad I'm just ill all the time! This chest thing is really getting on my wick though, it's horrible not being able to breathe properly so I decided I would do something about it and go see the drs. This blog is currently keeping me from jumping in the wheely bin beside me and getting a fellow patient to push me about because I am simply that bored. Or I could just jump in and take a 10 minute nap until 8:30am when the surgery opens.
It's a good surgery like but a lot of people come to the open surgery which sorta makes it a bit of a long wait which sucks.
So here I am blogging outside a GP surgery. What has my life become?! Joking because I know that this is some people's lives, coming to drs visiting hospitals and I wouldn't wish that to be mine!

Peace out girl scout!

Charlotte :3

And then I killed a bird...

Well, this is going to be possibly one of the most action packed blogs. Or not because I probably won't write everything I intended to because as you've seen, I get distracted by random things that pop into my head. WAYflippingHEY.

So let's go with yesterday. I got up at 12:30 because I had a very late night the night before as you saw with the time I posted my blog at... oops. My parents have stopped asking me where I've been or how late I come in now which is all good! :) Finally, some independence. So I woke up and had made plans to go out with Leah and Jess for some girl times, get some lunch, do some general errands and go for a lovely wee walk

 

This is Orlock, where we went for our walk.. Lovely place!

Me being all instagramie and artistic hehe

So that's where we went and on the way there I broke my flipping wheel trim off!! I bumped into a curb quite roughly because a car couldn't stay on it's own side of the road and the wheel trim came partially off which was not a good event! So I realized this after our walk when I decided to check out the wheel and it was 1/2 hanging off, I tried to kick it back on but without success so I just ripped it off and put it in the boot :)

After our walk we had to do some errands and then I left Leah home, well... on this journey something else happened! I was driving along the big country road where there are lots of birds flying about like idiots and clearly have very daring personalities. One of them, in fact, flew right into my windscreen. Yes you read it right... into my flipping windscreen. I think I might have killed it but it's the bird's own fault for being so stupid and flying into a car windscreen probably trying to impress it's lover and boom it's dead. I can't help but think of the line from The Notebook (incredible movie), "Tell me I'm a bird!" Mate, you don't want to be a bird after my experience and this next line shouldn't have been written because of my traumatizing experience, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird." That's like saying, "If you're willing to fly into car, I'm willing to fly into a car." NO. You don't do that Noah! Rager over about the bird but it was a traumatizing experience... Just sayin'. 

A little while later Jess, my brother and I got some Chinese food for dinner which was glorious yes I can spell that word. Then Jess and I got all musical and recorded a flipping song!! YEAH BUDDY! Here's the link to my sound cloud if you wish to listen:
http://soundcloud.com/charlotte-charules-louise-mcveigh/i-wont-give-up

So that was fun and our friend Jay texted us both at the same time saying the same thing so we started being creepy and sending the exact same messages to her at the exact same time! Tehe we so funny ;) Then Jay came round to mine and we watched Saw 4. Kinda gross but I actually didn't have nightmares after it which was good :D But totally beyond gross! 

Yesterday was good :) And today I woke up at like 13:30 because I wanted a lot of sleep and have just been catching up on my tv shows and playing Skyrim totally amazing game. So here I am :)

I've been doing a lot of thinking today, looking at the past and now. I totally value my friends, more than any of them will ever know! I can't believe how much has changed in the past 9 months I sound like I've had a baby now... I haven't! I've come out of my shell a lot, got close to some really fab people and become closer to God while all this has been happening! I cannot wait till next year when it's going to change even more and have so much more packed into it! For now I'll live in the present trying to leave all the rubbish in the day it belongs to and try and keep what's important in my head and on the tip of my tongue. I feel I should apologize the way I've acted to some people, I get lost in the moment when I'm angry or frustrated and say things that are harsh or not pleasant, so to anyone who I've ever spoken bad to or about, I'm sorry. 

I'm not perfect and through this blog you've probably seen that. I have ups and downs but I'm determined to make it more ups than downs because who doesn't like to be positive right?! I want to also say thank-you to you! YES YOU! For reading this, looking into the parts of my life you probably wouldn't know about if it wasn't for this blog! One of my friends said it's like having a conversation with me and thinking about it, it's pretty one sided but if my (sometimes strange) daily life brings joy, entertainment or if you can relate to it that makes me happy :) THANKS GUYS :3

Good night!

Charlotte :3 

Just because it's 04:05

So apparently I'm a little nocturnal...

This whole business of staying out late is becoming a bit of a usual for me :) I quite like it actually but I near fell asleep at my friends house tonight haha! I think my parents would have killed me if I had of fallen asleep and not come home! Haha! Have to say I've had a good night all the same and I've mentioned several times on this blog how much I love my friends so you all should know by now!

So I've just been looking back at some photos from school and I got a little bit sad! I have so many lovely memories from Glenlola and it's basically been my life for the past 14 years! I know towards the end I was getting fed up and although I'm sad I feel it's time to move on to bigger and better things. School wouldn't have been as chilled if it wasn't for our amazing head of year, DMcB! He's amazing and was always there to talk to defo the best head of year ever!

This is short as I'm getting tired but be encouraged that I'm back to my usual self even if slightly nocturnal, hey I could be an owl if I wanted :D

Night!

Charlotte :3

Praying is good!

So last night I kinda was like right I've had enough of this whole panicking about theatre studies crap so I'm just going to pray about it and about everything that's been going on... everything. So I did this and well you know the way I was like ahh I can't hear God, it happened! I heard Him! It has given me so much encouragement and I just feel like renewed and I can't wait to share it with everyone on Sunday! I had to tell someone so I texted Peter about it and he was pretty pleased about it and then told me to get some rest as I had an exam today! Haha sensible person! So as I have been encouraged I feel more connected and enthusiastic about things. I've also found myself more relaxed and generally being like, if God wants it it'll happen and if he doesn't it won't! This is the way I want to feel all the time because these past few days have been horrendous with all my rubbish flying about in my head and various degrees of distraction have come about in different forms and it has gone away at exactly the right time! In my exam today (although some of it didn't make sense) I was able to concentrate and not be thinking about stuff that wasn't useful to me at all in this particular moment in time! 

Tonight I was going to head out but some people weren't able to come so I was like yano what I'll just stay in and read or something along those lines and I want to read my Bible and my Crazy Love book. Finally the desire to read Scripture again! I haven't felt it in a week so haven't been bothered with it. (I know sounds bad...). Finally the want to read Scripture has returned and I've never felt so relieved! My desire to read the Crazy Love book left as well and I tried to read it but only got through about 3 pages then I was getting lost in my thoughts! I think I let little things get to me too much. If I only did what I did last night more often and prayed honestly and just spoke to God everything I was feeling at that point in time because I was fed up! I don't want to be feeling like this and my mum even commented on how quiet I was being, I had lost my appetite and just been feeling generally run down for the past few days but now I feel alive again! Ahh God is good! I get so wrapped up when things are going well and when things are going bad, I think I'm a bit of an extreme person. When something goes good, I'll be the happiest person ever but when things go bad, I'm a bit of a downer and want to just be in my room by myself crying or have someone to cry to who doesn't really care if I cry at them and will just give me a hug and tell me everything's okay and when things are mediocre I'm mediocre or happy it's weird I need to sort out my emotions! Maybe this is part of being a teenage girl, just hormonal. I'll take that as an answer!

To be honest I just broke down before God and let it all out. He knows what's going on in my head anyway so why wouldn't I voice it to Him? I just needed to go to Him and say look I need help, I've rejected you pretty much this whole week and I'm sorry. I got 2 pictures last night, one of realization of what I've been doing and the second one was reassurance to me.

1) Got a picture of a door kinda just there with me on one side and there was no one on the other side. There were no walls just a light blue coloured room. The door was being knocked and I just looked at it and walked away. It kept knocking so I went to it and then turned away again. This to me meant that God was always there it's just that I was ignoring Him, then wanting to get back but something else came up and I walked away from Him again.

2) Picture was of these big hands being held out like a beggar but I was sitting in the huge hands as I was in bed. Completely desperate and crying like a baby! Then God spoke to me and these words were in my head, "I've got you." This was a complete sigh of relief to me. "I've got you." Like all the stuff was not too big or too small for God to handle. HE'S GOT ME. He always had I just let the weight of my general being get to me and rest on my shoulders when in fact God just brushes them off like, I'll deal with this. That's what I asked for. I handed it over (finally).

So last night was good for me, all of me! I was able to let things out have someone to talk to and I was able to hear God again. Pretty awesome, I think anyway! 

I'll look back on this blog with a smile on my face and remember what a good night I had with God! 30th May 2012 was a good night, future Charlotte, remember?! 

God has you, and nothing can take that away! He has what He has planned for you too! Pretty darn amazing! 

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11

Good night, sorry for the extensive blog post!

Charlotte :3  

We made it!

Okay so today wasn't as good as expected but nothing tragic happened like yesterday so it's alright!

So today everyone's been freaking out about our drama exam and I've been frantically writing out notes on Greek theater and the Macbeth play we went to see. Seemingly everything is done so I'm settled on it now and I got a few tips for essay writing from my friend who has a drama degree so I'm very grateful for all his help, Jeff if you're reading this, thanks! I honestly do appreciate it! :) And if not oh well, you might see it some day dude!

So I've just been feeling tired as per usual but tomorrow's a new day and I will live through this exam try and keep myself busy and get through it! I want to have no time left at the end but have the paper finished! Just enough time to read through things and make sure they make sense.

So yeah today's been alright, just been complaining to my best friend, Jess, hi if you're reading :3 She's very good at listening to me when I'm either slagging someone else off (I know I shouldn't do it! But it helps when you're angry!) or slagging myself off telling her I'm going to fail and that I'm genuinely stupid which I still believe I am!

Hope your day has been even slightly better than mine :)

Charlotte :3

And I'm feelin' gooooood...

Happier blog post!

So last night helped me a lot (a prayer walk and a drive). Like seriously a lot!. Didn't help my chest but hey ho my head feels less muddled and I feel more peaceful about my whole situation. I have wonderful friends who don't even need to know what is going on and they'll try and help. They just need to know it's bothering me and they'll try and help me :)

This morning I've woken up feeling a lot better emotionally and well physically I feel horrible and a little bit worn out with this cough/chest infection thing. I can't stop coughing! :( But hey I would prefer to have bad physical health than be all confused and have mood swings! So today will be a good day. I need to look over some stuff for drama tomorrow and apart from that I'll probably be doing nothing! I was going to go to the gym but that doesn't seem like a good idea with the current state of my breathing after walking up the stairs!

I will blog more later and tell you if my day turned out to be good :)

Charlotte :3

My Head is muddled!

Okay so today took me to a whole new level of distraction.

While at dancing I wasn't completely there at all forgetting choreography and such likings but THEN coming home from dancing I was just not paying attention at all. While waiting to go at the gransha road roundabout I was looking ahead at the roundabout as you do and I was just sitting on the clutch waiting for the person in front of me to go. Well I got lost in my thoughts and wasn't looking at the car in front and bumped into it.

There was absolutely no damage done to either car but it made me realize, what if there was no car in front of me? I could have been on the roundabout and had a serious crash. This distracted business isn't doing me any good at all. I know you're all probably thinking that I'm over thinking this but I don't want to be distracted anymore. I hate not being able to concentrate on where I am or where I'm going! I feel so lost in what's been happening recently, and I don't know what I'm meant to do. One minute everything's great, I'm fine and then the next I want to just go and punch something or cry. Right now I want to cry. To be honest with anyone who reads this.

I hate this feeling, it isn't me! This stupid emotional stuff isn't me! I'm a happy person, a really genuinely happy person! Someone called me a ray of sunshine on Sunday night! And that's who I usually am but I'm being brought down by some stupid weight and it's just a combination of things then something else has been added to the top of the weight pile. Having some random chest/throat infection doesn't help either. 

I hope no one else is going through the same as me because I feel like crap,

Charlotte :3

Falling in place...

I need to learn.. Like seriously!

If I put God first then everything else will follow. If I put God first then everything else will follow. If I put God first then everything else will follow.

It's been said you need to say something 3 times to really believe/remember it. (Hence the 3 times up there!) I want to dissect that statement. If I put God first, what does that mean in my life? How does that apply to me? Is it with exams or hobbies, my future. In fact, it's everything. No matter what I need to look to God in everything. Absolutely everything. If I can put God first in anything I do, surely that'll be me living as I should, of course I'll slip up, we all do but I want to do it! Okay, second 1/2, everything else will follow. Basically everything will fit if I put God first, I'll be where God wants me to be, and I want that too but I find hearing God isn't so easy sometimes. I need to be in full scale meditation if I'm to hear God. Informal Worship in my church is a good place to be for this but I want to experience God's voice outside of this as well! I find myself distracted by humanly thoughts instead of concentrating on God. I seriously need to concentrate on my faith, really just listen to God and seek his direction. I don't know what's best for me! I don't want God to look at me and see this 18 year old who's straying off her path, no way! I want my eyes to be set on Him, and to experience Him everyday!

I wrote a song, decided it should be called "Deeper than the Ocean." It's a worship song, completely improvised. Haven't recorded it yet, but I'm considering it! Here's the lyrics:

Lord... I don't deserve your love

And I know that you still love me so

After all that I did

After all the human wastage

And yet you love me still how can it be?

Your love

Goes deeper still!

Like an ocean never ending

Your love goes deeper still!

And all that I have been through lord

And you've been there for me

Only one that I could tell

And yet it feels so real

They come flooding back

But I know that I am with you still

And your love

Goes deeper than an ocean x2

And its going deeper still!

And what should I know from this?

You are what tells me so

And I know your love

Keeps me going strong

And should share this love

Because its deeper than me!

Lord I know

Your love is deeper still!

And I know

When this life ceases to exist

that I'll be with you.

This is basically my testimony in song form. I was in the house by myself some day and I needed an outlet. I needed to sing this! I recorded it so I would remember it and then typed out the lyrics. We'll see what happens with it. 

Sorry for babbling! :)

Charlotte :3

So many butterflies!

Guys... There's so much I want to tell you! But it's a secret! Yano the way I said this is like a diary well seeing as it's public I canne write everything on here.. sozza! Just know I've had a good week and been experiencing butterflies a lot! :)

So as a happy Charlotte I'm just going to type and see what comes out. I think I'll start off with what's happened today!

I causally got up at 12 noon (standard) and then went shopping with my mum and grandma :3 As it is boiling hot today I decided to wear a long skirt! ME in a skirt when I'm not heading out, this is when you know it is SUMMER! The downer on today was the fact that I had tummy cramps which left me feeling like I was going to puke if I didn't get pain killers in me ASAP! But we got that sorted and I'm pretty much all good. The worst thing about girls is hormones, mine have been especially bad recently leaving me:

1. Crying for no reason
2. Fainting (as you do)
3. Feeling VERY nauseous
4. Cramping it up very suddenly

Gah. Oh well the weather has brought up my spirits and I'm feeling okay right now (apart from being rather tired!). Anyway on with my day! After shopping I came up to my room to die a little by myself then my mummy made me a cuppa tea and I sat outside with my parents and the dog for a little while trying my absolute best not to burn because my dad used to be ginger so I'm sure that gene is in me somewhere (if you do biology then you can tell me if this is indeed true). So I didn't get burnt, YAY, I now have an abundance of freckles on my arms, legs and face! Anywhere that's been in the sun really! I don't mind it's just like a partial tan ;)

So I've just had dinner and here I am :) I'm going to head out for a wee drive hopefully the beach and I wana bring a towel this time so I can sit on the sand and be cool :) hehe

Lots of sunny love,

Charlotte :3

It's just one of those gloirious days...

So Bangor has been rather amazing to me this week. I couldn't have asked for a better week in this beautiful little town!

I started off the week watching two amazing sun sets because I freaking love them and the weather has been fab as well, it actually feels like summer! :D The downside to that is the fact I'm pure ulster scots so I burn very easily and have a wonderful semi circle on my back from where my top was :( Oh well I love it being this sunny!! Puts me in such a good mood!

Last night I had a few people round to watch Sherlock Holmes which is quite frankly an amazing movie which my wonderful, slightly normal friend Belinda absolutely loves! I personally like it because of the fighting in slow motion stuff! It's FAB! It also helps if you have an amazing bunch of people round as well, just made my night!

I can truly say that right now, the people who I have in my life are amazing! There's not one time when I feel like I couldn't invite all my friends round to my house, everyone from different friend groups and they wouldn't all get along because they're all so amazing and I love you all! :) Ahh just got all sentimental on it there.. that doesn't usually happen as I'm usually ranting! Hehe!

I'm off to enjoy the rest of my day!

Charlotte :3

What were we made for?

Okay so I didn't blog for a day, sorry! I was tired :(

So, I have been reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan over the past week and a half ish and am thoroughly enjoying it.

I've just finished chapter 5 and on page 93 it talks about what really matters and how God measures us. Francis Chan states this:

"God's definition of what matters is pretty straightforward. He measures our lives by how we love."

Now you may say, "but doesn't God want our praise to him?" Yes but how SHOULD we praise God? Through the love we have for Him! If we just praise God because of all the good things that happen is that really loving Him?  Is that not just loving the fact that He gives us good stuff? I see that as being friends with someone and saying actually I don't like you as a person but I really like the presents you get me for my birthday.

One thing I have learned from this book so far is to look into my faith and think, am I really fully and wholeheartedly what Jesus said a Christian should be? And I'm not. I'm not perfect and no one is or can be. This is where God's grace comes in. We're always forgiven for wrong doing and not making the mark because not one of us ever will but we should do our very best and strive for perfection. Right now you're probably thinking, well if I can't reach perfection, what's the point in trying? Well if we truly are in love with God then we should always want to please him, do what's right by him! 

I want to be a loving person and to my friends and family I may be, through actions or supportive words, but in no way do I measure up to what the definition of love is in the Bible:

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, ESV. 

I don't know about you but I definitely don't measure up to this! I strive to. I want to be patient and kind at all times. I want to be all the things God wants me to be, I want to follow Him and live up to His standards always. Not just when I choose to because, let's face it, we all make decisions we know are not right in God's eyes and we regret it the next day or whenever we see it's wrong. Consciously making wrong decisions. That's wrong! That's like our mothers consciously not buying a card or a present on our birthday, how much would that hurt to know your own mother just didn't give a bother what you thought just in the spare of a moment thing, do we not do the same? Thing is it's worse when we do it to God, far, far worse! I don't want to be a halfhearted, part time or in it for the prize Christian! I want to be a Christian that is in deep and totally and fully in love with God, who loves me no matter what! Isn't that amazing! I'll never be able to twist that round my puny human brain!

God loves you, know that if it is only that you know!

Bless every one of you who reads this blog,

Charlotte :3 

Exam Time!

Okay so, this is it. It's now exam time for my and quite honestly I feel peaceful about it. I know for a fact I've done so much work for music it is unbelievable and I hope I get what I deserve. I know that tomorrow morning and in the afternoon God will be right there in a seat beside me giving me the wisdom I've collected over the past 8 months that will decide my fate regarding music. Part of me is starting to reject the further development of music as a subject, of course I'll always love it but as a subject? Nah. It doesn't feel right to go and continue it in education. God will show me my path. I'll definitely be praying about it tonight and tomorrow! I don't like how right now will define how universities in the future shape me. See me as a person. I mean, my exam grades are not who I am! Maybe this is the non-academic me coming out but I don't get why how academically gifted we are should define who we are to the people who care about that. It distorts how people view us. For example if I got 3 U's in my exams, I'm a failure and I will not go anywhere in life, according to society. SCREW SOCIETY. Who cares what you look like on paper, who cares if you have the ''potential'' to be something ''amazing''? You tell me I'm wrong when saying ALL THAT DOESN'T MATTER TO GOD. I don't feel like conforming to society. I don't care that at 18 I should be going wild and partying every weekend. Do I want to do that NO. I want to lead a life inspired by Christ. Not a life conforming to society because according to them I'm screwed if I don't do well tomorrow. Guess what? God holds me in his hands at moments like these and lays his plan out before me. Presenting me with the perfect future. Doesn't that sound GREAT. To know that the almighty Maker of Heaven and earth doesn't even care if I flunk my exams! 

Screw you society. I don't give a damn what you think. In the end it's God who's judging me not YOU.

Good night from a non-conforming member of planet earth,

Charlotte :3

Oh today...

Okay so this is really a very late blog but oh well!

Today has been a rather good day... chilled if you so please. I had the intention of going to taekwondo today but that fell in when I was again too tired to actually get out of bed for yet another Saturday. I don't know why this notion has suddenly come over me but it has and I'm determined that next Saturday I will have the gusto to get out of bed at 10am to go to taekwondo even if I'm tired. Exercise gives you more energy right? Makes you feel good, releases endorphins. The ''happy'' hormone. 

So after my failed attempt to get out of bed I went back to sleep for 1/2 an hour then got up and went downstairs to have my glorious breakfast of a cuppa tea and weetabix. Om nom nom. After this I got changed did my make up and watched tv for a while then had lunch, rice with sweet and sour sauce, again, om nom nom.

After this I went shopping with my grandma and mum. This is always a fun experience as I get to get outa the house and observe the general public of Bangor while in shopping mode. Some people are very determined (like my mother) and like to march through the shopping center knowing what they want and cannot be bothered with people who walk slow and abandon their trolly's everywhere and anywhere. I would agree with this tactic as it gets you done in the optimum time. The enemy is the slow walker/danderer. Now I understand if it is an old person or someone who has a disability if they walk slow fine, they have a reason and I am happy to slow my pace down in order not to be rude, but see if you are a perfectly fit person who has the ability to walk at a moderate pace, then please do so, for the sake of my mother's mental health! My least favorite person to see shopping is the angry mother. I can see why shopping would wind you up but don't take it out on your kid! It makes me sad :( I do like seeing toddlers on the leashes though, its quite considerate of their parents as it means they cannot run away and if they fall, you notice and they are easily hoiked up again! I was one of these toddlers as I endlessly tried to escape from my mum or dad. Funny story actually and this will paint the picture of what kind of child I was!

One day my mum was coming home from shopping and obviously didn't leave the door open while retrieving bags of shopping from the car as she had two young children at the time here we are:

I'm about 2 and my brother is about 4 here :) Aren't we quite the cute pair!? I love my blue dress :3 ANYWAY.

So I discovered that I was now tall enough to reach the door handle fantastic news for an escape artist! I liked to get out of whatever my parents put me in, pram, cot whatever it was, I got out. The house was no different now I had reached the glorious height of the mighty door handle. So I simply opened the door and got to the top of our drive way when our neighbor asks, "I think you should go back inside." When I fold my arms boldly and say, "NO." What a little madam! So this goes on when my mum comes out and drags me into the house... the end! 

Paha anyways, this has been an average post and it's late, I have to get up early WAHHH. But it's for church so it's all good in da hood! 

Here's a more recent picture of me and my brother before I leave:

Apparently we look the same... I don't know about that, I'll let you decide for yourself :P

Goodnight!

Charlotte :3

Some Funny Memories

So today's post is going to highlight a funny event in school and a funny event from 2 weeks ago on the way to a beautiful place, the nendrum in Newtownards.

This is a picture of the nendrum :) It is such a beautiful, peaceful place that is so unseen and unheard of within 1/2 an hour of where I live.

Anyway the first funny memory I'm going to share is of drama this year. We had our practical last month and during the course of the year much to my drama teacher's disappointment we messed about... a lot. I was looking through my videos on facebook the other day and found a delightful video of when we were messing about in the drama theater.

This video I find quite frankly, hilarious! It just reminds me of all the good times we had in drama and takes away the memories of the stress involved! In it we have some Harry Potter and some Sherlock Holmes and a wee bit of Laura being well... Laura. This is just such a happy memory for me and I will remember it as long as I remember my time in Glenlola.

The next funny memory also includes a video which I was reminded of today and quite frankly was in stitches when I watched it! It was such a wonderful day (if a bit cold) and it really cheered me up because on that day I wasn't the happy Charlotte that I normally am and these guys seem to always be able to make me laugh and cheer me up. Unfortunately I don't have the video but I'll give you a description, set the scene if you will. Stephen was driving Jeff, Peter and myself to the nendrum on a late Sunday afternoon. We decided to play a car game called "Last Sunday, I went to the market with my granny and bought..." and you have to go through the whole alphabet thinking of items at the market. Jeff started with 'A' and a tin of avocado soup strangely came into his mind so we went on with this and it was extremely funny and Peter videoed a section of it and we're all pretty much cracking up when Jeff gets to 'M' and very seriously says, "Michael Jackson's sparkly glove." We all of course crack up and Jeff just sits there with a very straight face! Aw man that day was funny, I was crying with laughter. If you're my friend on facebook you'll be able to find the video by going to my profile and it's the most recent video I've been tagged in so GO WATCH IT IF YOU CAN! I'm assuming if you're reading this you're my friend on facebook as I publicize the blog on there :)

Hope you found some joy from my wonderful memories :)

Charlotte :3 

EIGHTEEN

So apparently I forgot how to put up big titles until now.. oops.

Anyways, on with the blog about my 18 antics. Now I am not proud of what I did on that Thursday night in Cafe but as things go it was an experience and I've learned from it.

So my birthday was on the 3rd April and at the time I was doing street reach (this fabulous Easter outreach program) and it started on my birthday so that was fun and I got sang happy birthday to every single day of street reach.

This is a picture of me happily carrying some grass and other rubbish from one of the houses on Bloomfield estate. This was the last day of street reach and myself and Peter had a fab conversation with one of the residents.

So on the night of my birthday I went to a bar and restaurant, namely Donegans. It was a really good night and I didn't get drunk, woo achievement. I did get up and sing some karaoke. 1st time I was forced to sing the Cheeky Song by the Cheeky Girls, oh what a sight. And then I forced my friend Leah to come up and sing Super Bass by Nicki Minaj with me then Leah , Jess and I got up and sang Don't Stop Believing by Journey. It was glorious. Dinner was really good as well and I had this sweet chilli chicken escalop with chips and my days it was gooooood.

So the next day came and I did nothing for my birthday but got sang happy birthday to again in street reach haha. They thought they were funny. ;)

On the Thursday we went to Cafe after street reach. This night started out as it was going to end. I went to my friend Chloe's house for a pre and had 2 large vodka and sprites, got me tipsy. So we got to Cafe and of course I was immediately bought a drink. Great, this is how the night went on and needless to say I was drunk by the end of the night. I actually blacked out and this is when I went from happy drunk to sad, bipolar, guilty and confused drunk. Thankfully Stephen was able to give me and Jess a lift home but I didn't want to go home because I thought my dad would kill me. So he bought us chips and while he did this, Jess got out of the car and talked to someone on the phone while I sat gurning to Peter how I shouldn't being doing this and I'm not setting a very good example to my friends. Now this was wise as I shouldn't have been doing it. It says several times in the Bible that I shouldn't be too fond of wine. Now I know... it wasn't wine I was drinking but what it means is alcohol. Incase ya didn't know. 

I have indeed learned from this experience and being drunk is not good. No matter what you say. If you say to me, "Awk, it's alright! Just get drunk! God will forgive you anyway!" No. Yes he'll forgive me BUT if I go out to get drunk intentionally, then that's hurting him, INTENTIONALLY! How could I do that to my God who gave up his Son so I could be forgiven for getting DRUNK. Amongst other awful things. Every sin is equal. You can say getting drunk isn't as bad as murdering someone! Morally no it isn't but in the Kingdom of Heaven sin is sin and they're all equal. So yes it is as bad as murdering. 

Humans are weak. God is strong. Beyond what our minds are capable of holding! I'm reading a book at the minute called Crazy Love by Francis Chan and in chapter one he states:

"If my mind is the size of a soda can and God is the size of all oceans, it would be stupid for me to say He is only the small amount of water I can scoop into my little can."

True story. I totally agree with this. Our human adjectives cannot touch the total glory of God. And this is why I can now make the consious decision not to be "too fond of wine."

I hope this is of some value or someone else can relate to this!

Goodnight 

Charlotte :3