Praying is good!

So last night I kinda was like right I've had enough of this whole panicking about theatre studies crap so I'm just going to pray about it and about everything that's been going on... everything. So I did this and well you know the way I was like ahh I can't hear God, it happened! I heard Him! It has given me so much encouragement and I just feel like renewed and I can't wait to share it with everyone on Sunday! I had to tell someone so I texted Peter about it and he was pretty pleased about it and then told me to get some rest as I had an exam today! Haha sensible person! So as I have been encouraged I feel more connected and enthusiastic about things. I've also found myself more relaxed and generally being like, if God wants it it'll happen and if he doesn't it won't! This is the way I want to feel all the time because these past few days have been horrendous with all my rubbish flying about in my head and various degrees of distraction have come about in different forms and it has gone away at exactly the right time! In my exam today (although some of it didn't make sense) I was able to concentrate and not be thinking about stuff that wasn't useful to me at all in this particular moment in time! 

Tonight I was going to head out but some people weren't able to come so I was like yano what I'll just stay in and read or something along those lines and I want to read my Bible and my Crazy Love book. Finally the desire to read Scripture again! I haven't felt it in a week so haven't been bothered with it. (I know sounds bad...). Finally the want to read Scripture has returned and I've never felt so relieved! My desire to read the Crazy Love book left as well and I tried to read it but only got through about 3 pages then I was getting lost in my thoughts! I think I let little things get to me too much. If I only did what I did last night more often and prayed honestly and just spoke to God everything I was feeling at that point in time because I was fed up! I don't want to be feeling like this and my mum even commented on how quiet I was being, I had lost my appetite and just been feeling generally run down for the past few days but now I feel alive again! Ahh God is good! I get so wrapped up when things are going well and when things are going bad, I think I'm a bit of an extreme person. When something goes good, I'll be the happiest person ever but when things go bad, I'm a bit of a downer and want to just be in my room by myself crying or have someone to cry to who doesn't really care if I cry at them and will just give me a hug and tell me everything's okay and when things are mediocre I'm mediocre or happy it's weird I need to sort out my emotions! Maybe this is part of being a teenage girl, just hormonal. I'll take that as an answer!

To be honest I just broke down before God and let it all out. He knows what's going on in my head anyway so why wouldn't I voice it to Him? I just needed to go to Him and say look I need help, I've rejected you pretty much this whole week and I'm sorry. I got 2 pictures last night, one of realization of what I've been doing and the second one was reassurance to me.

1) Got a picture of a door kinda just there with me on one side and there was no one on the other side. There were no walls just a light blue coloured room. The door was being knocked and I just looked at it and walked away. It kept knocking so I went to it and then turned away again. This to me meant that God was always there it's just that I was ignoring Him, then wanting to get back but something else came up and I walked away from Him again.

2) Picture was of these big hands being held out like a beggar but I was sitting in the huge hands as I was in bed. Completely desperate and crying like a baby! Then God spoke to me and these words were in my head, "I've got you." This was a complete sigh of relief to me. "I've got you." Like all the stuff was not too big or too small for God to handle. HE'S GOT ME. He always had I just let the weight of my general being get to me and rest on my shoulders when in fact God just brushes them off like, I'll deal with this. That's what I asked for. I handed it over (finally).

So last night was good for me, all of me! I was able to let things out have someone to talk to and I was able to hear God again. Pretty awesome, I think anyway! 

I'll look back on this blog with a smile on my face and remember what a good night I had with God! 30th May 2012 was a good night, future Charlotte, remember?! 

God has you, and nothing can take that away! He has what He has planned for you too! Pretty darn amazing! 

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11

Good night, sorry for the extensive blog post!

Charlotte :3  

We made it!

Okay so today wasn't as good as expected but nothing tragic happened like yesterday so it's alright!

So today everyone's been freaking out about our drama exam and I've been frantically writing out notes on Greek theater and the Macbeth play we went to see. Seemingly everything is done so I'm settled on it now and I got a few tips for essay writing from my friend who has a drama degree so I'm very grateful for all his help, Jeff if you're reading this, thanks! I honestly do appreciate it! :) And if not oh well, you might see it some day dude!

So I've just been feeling tired as per usual but tomorrow's a new day and I will live through this exam try and keep myself busy and get through it! I want to have no time left at the end but have the paper finished! Just enough time to read through things and make sure they make sense.

So yeah today's been alright, just been complaining to my best friend, Jess, hi if you're reading :3 She's very good at listening to me when I'm either slagging someone else off (I know I shouldn't do it! But it helps when you're angry!) or slagging myself off telling her I'm going to fail and that I'm genuinely stupid which I still believe I am!

Hope your day has been even slightly better than mine :)

Charlotte :3

And I'm feelin' gooooood...

Happier blog post!

So last night helped me a lot (a prayer walk and a drive). Like seriously a lot!. Didn't help my chest but hey ho my head feels less muddled and I feel more peaceful about my whole situation. I have wonderful friends who don't even need to know what is going on and they'll try and help. They just need to know it's bothering me and they'll try and help me :)

This morning I've woken up feeling a lot better emotionally and well physically I feel horrible and a little bit worn out with this cough/chest infection thing. I can't stop coughing! :( But hey I would prefer to have bad physical health than be all confused and have mood swings! So today will be a good day. I need to look over some stuff for drama tomorrow and apart from that I'll probably be doing nothing! I was going to go to the gym but that doesn't seem like a good idea with the current state of my breathing after walking up the stairs!

I will blog more later and tell you if my day turned out to be good :)

Charlotte :3

My Head is muddled!

Okay so today took me to a whole new level of distraction.

While at dancing I wasn't completely there at all forgetting choreography and such likings but THEN coming home from dancing I was just not paying attention at all. While waiting to go at the gransha road roundabout I was looking ahead at the roundabout as you do and I was just sitting on the clutch waiting for the person in front of me to go. Well I got lost in my thoughts and wasn't looking at the car in front and bumped into it.

There was absolutely no damage done to either car but it made me realize, what if there was no car in front of me? I could have been on the roundabout and had a serious crash. This distracted business isn't doing me any good at all. I know you're all probably thinking that I'm over thinking this but I don't want to be distracted anymore. I hate not being able to concentrate on where I am or where I'm going! I feel so lost in what's been happening recently, and I don't know what I'm meant to do. One minute everything's great, I'm fine and then the next I want to just go and punch something or cry. Right now I want to cry. To be honest with anyone who reads this.

I hate this feeling, it isn't me! This stupid emotional stuff isn't me! I'm a happy person, a really genuinely happy person! Someone called me a ray of sunshine on Sunday night! And that's who I usually am but I'm being brought down by some stupid weight and it's just a combination of things then something else has been added to the top of the weight pile. Having some random chest/throat infection doesn't help either. 

I hope no one else is going through the same as me because I feel like crap,

Charlotte :3

Falling in place...

I need to learn.. Like seriously!

If I put God first then everything else will follow. If I put God first then everything else will follow. If I put God first then everything else will follow.

It's been said you need to say something 3 times to really believe/remember it. (Hence the 3 times up there!) I want to dissect that statement. If I put God first, what does that mean in my life? How does that apply to me? Is it with exams or hobbies, my future. In fact, it's everything. No matter what I need to look to God in everything. Absolutely everything. If I can put God first in anything I do, surely that'll be me living as I should, of course I'll slip up, we all do but I want to do it! Okay, second 1/2, everything else will follow. Basically everything will fit if I put God first, I'll be where God wants me to be, and I want that too but I find hearing God isn't so easy sometimes. I need to be in full scale meditation if I'm to hear God. Informal Worship in my church is a good place to be for this but I want to experience God's voice outside of this as well! I find myself distracted by humanly thoughts instead of concentrating on God. I seriously need to concentrate on my faith, really just listen to God and seek his direction. I don't know what's best for me! I don't want God to look at me and see this 18 year old who's straying off her path, no way! I want my eyes to be set on Him, and to experience Him everyday!

I wrote a song, decided it should be called "Deeper than the Ocean." It's a worship song, completely improvised. Haven't recorded it yet, but I'm considering it! Here's the lyrics:

Lord... I don't deserve your love

And I know that you still love me so

After all that I did

After all the human wastage

And yet you love me still how can it be?

Your love

Goes deeper still!

Like an ocean never ending

Your love goes deeper still!

And all that I have been through lord

And you've been there for me

Only one that I could tell

And yet it feels so real

They come flooding back

But I know that I am with you still

And your love

Goes deeper than an ocean x2

And its going deeper still!

And what should I know from this?

You are what tells me so

And I know your love

Keeps me going strong

And should share this love

Because its deeper than me!

Lord I know

Your love is deeper still!

And I know

When this life ceases to exist

that I'll be with you.

This is basically my testimony in song form. I was in the house by myself some day and I needed an outlet. I needed to sing this! I recorded it so I would remember it and then typed out the lyrics. We'll see what happens with it. 

Sorry for babbling! :)

Charlotte :3

So many butterflies!

Guys... There's so much I want to tell you! But it's a secret! Yano the way I said this is like a diary well seeing as it's public I canne write everything on here.. sozza! Just know I've had a good week and been experiencing butterflies a lot! :)

So as a happy Charlotte I'm just going to type and see what comes out. I think I'll start off with what's happened today!

I causally got up at 12 noon (standard) and then went shopping with my mum and grandma :3 As it is boiling hot today I decided to wear a long skirt! ME in a skirt when I'm not heading out, this is when you know it is SUMMER! The downer on today was the fact that I had tummy cramps which left me feeling like I was going to puke if I didn't get pain killers in me ASAP! But we got that sorted and I'm pretty much all good. The worst thing about girls is hormones, mine have been especially bad recently leaving me:

1. Crying for no reason
2. Fainting (as you do)
3. Feeling VERY nauseous
4. Cramping it up very suddenly

Gah. Oh well the weather has brought up my spirits and I'm feeling okay right now (apart from being rather tired!). Anyway on with my day! After shopping I came up to my room to die a little by myself then my mummy made me a cuppa tea and I sat outside with my parents and the dog for a little while trying my absolute best not to burn because my dad used to be ginger so I'm sure that gene is in me somewhere (if you do biology then you can tell me if this is indeed true). So I didn't get burnt, YAY, I now have an abundance of freckles on my arms, legs and face! Anywhere that's been in the sun really! I don't mind it's just like a partial tan ;)

So I've just had dinner and here I am :) I'm going to head out for a wee drive hopefully the beach and I wana bring a towel this time so I can sit on the sand and be cool :) hehe

Lots of sunny love,

Charlotte :3

It's just one of those gloirious days...

So Bangor has been rather amazing to me this week. I couldn't have asked for a better week in this beautiful little town!

I started off the week watching two amazing sun sets because I freaking love them and the weather has been fab as well, it actually feels like summer! :D The downside to that is the fact I'm pure ulster scots so I burn very easily and have a wonderful semi circle on my back from where my top was :( Oh well I love it being this sunny!! Puts me in such a good mood!

Last night I had a few people round to watch Sherlock Holmes which is quite frankly an amazing movie which my wonderful, slightly normal friend Belinda absolutely loves! I personally like it because of the fighting in slow motion stuff! It's FAB! It also helps if you have an amazing bunch of people round as well, just made my night!

I can truly say that right now, the people who I have in my life are amazing! There's not one time when I feel like I couldn't invite all my friends round to my house, everyone from different friend groups and they wouldn't all get along because they're all so amazing and I love you all! :) Ahh just got all sentimental on it there.. that doesn't usually happen as I'm usually ranting! Hehe!

I'm off to enjoy the rest of my day!

Charlotte :3

What were we made for?

Okay so I didn't blog for a day, sorry! I was tired :(

So, I have been reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan over the past week and a half ish and am thoroughly enjoying it.

I've just finished chapter 5 and on page 93 it talks about what really matters and how God measures us. Francis Chan states this:

"God's definition of what matters is pretty straightforward. He measures our lives by how we love."

Now you may say, "but doesn't God want our praise to him?" Yes but how SHOULD we praise God? Through the love we have for Him! If we just praise God because of all the good things that happen is that really loving Him?  Is that not just loving the fact that He gives us good stuff? I see that as being friends with someone and saying actually I don't like you as a person but I really like the presents you get me for my birthday.

One thing I have learned from this book so far is to look into my faith and think, am I really fully and wholeheartedly what Jesus said a Christian should be? And I'm not. I'm not perfect and no one is or can be. This is where God's grace comes in. We're always forgiven for wrong doing and not making the mark because not one of us ever will but we should do our very best and strive for perfection. Right now you're probably thinking, well if I can't reach perfection, what's the point in trying? Well if we truly are in love with God then we should always want to please him, do what's right by him! 

I want to be a loving person and to my friends and family I may be, through actions or supportive words, but in no way do I measure up to what the definition of love is in the Bible:

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, ESV. 

I don't know about you but I definitely don't measure up to this! I strive to. I want to be patient and kind at all times. I want to be all the things God wants me to be, I want to follow Him and live up to His standards always. Not just when I choose to because, let's face it, we all make decisions we know are not right in God's eyes and we regret it the next day or whenever we see it's wrong. Consciously making wrong decisions. That's wrong! That's like our mothers consciously not buying a card or a present on our birthday, how much would that hurt to know your own mother just didn't give a bother what you thought just in the spare of a moment thing, do we not do the same? Thing is it's worse when we do it to God, far, far worse! I don't want to be a halfhearted, part time or in it for the prize Christian! I want to be a Christian that is in deep and totally and fully in love with God, who loves me no matter what! Isn't that amazing! I'll never be able to twist that round my puny human brain!

God loves you, know that if it is only that you know!

Bless every one of you who reads this blog,

Charlotte :3 

Exam Time!

Okay so, this is it. It's now exam time for my and quite honestly I feel peaceful about it. I know for a fact I've done so much work for music it is unbelievable and I hope I get what I deserve. I know that tomorrow morning and in the afternoon God will be right there in a seat beside me giving me the wisdom I've collected over the past 8 months that will decide my fate regarding music. Part of me is starting to reject the further development of music as a subject, of course I'll always love it but as a subject? Nah. It doesn't feel right to go and continue it in education. God will show me my path. I'll definitely be praying about it tonight and tomorrow! I don't like how right now will define how universities in the future shape me. See me as a person. I mean, my exam grades are not who I am! Maybe this is the non-academic me coming out but I don't get why how academically gifted we are should define who we are to the people who care about that. It distorts how people view us. For example if I got 3 U's in my exams, I'm a failure and I will not go anywhere in life, according to society. SCREW SOCIETY. Who cares what you look like on paper, who cares if you have the ''potential'' to be something ''amazing''? You tell me I'm wrong when saying ALL THAT DOESN'T MATTER TO GOD. I don't feel like conforming to society. I don't care that at 18 I should be going wild and partying every weekend. Do I want to do that NO. I want to lead a life inspired by Christ. Not a life conforming to society because according to them I'm screwed if I don't do well tomorrow. Guess what? God holds me in his hands at moments like these and lays his plan out before me. Presenting me with the perfect future. Doesn't that sound GREAT. To know that the almighty Maker of Heaven and earth doesn't even care if I flunk my exams! 

Screw you society. I don't give a damn what you think. In the end it's God who's judging me not YOU.

Good night from a non-conforming member of planet earth,

Charlotte :3

Oh today...

Okay so this is really a very late blog but oh well!

Today has been a rather good day... chilled if you so please. I had the intention of going to taekwondo today but that fell in when I was again too tired to actually get out of bed for yet another Saturday. I don't know why this notion has suddenly come over me but it has and I'm determined that next Saturday I will have the gusto to get out of bed at 10am to go to taekwondo even if I'm tired. Exercise gives you more energy right? Makes you feel good, releases endorphins. The ''happy'' hormone. 

So after my failed attempt to get out of bed I went back to sleep for 1/2 an hour then got up and went downstairs to have my glorious breakfast of a cuppa tea and weetabix. Om nom nom. After this I got changed did my make up and watched tv for a while then had lunch, rice with sweet and sour sauce, again, om nom nom.

After this I went shopping with my grandma and mum. This is always a fun experience as I get to get outa the house and observe the general public of Bangor while in shopping mode. Some people are very determined (like my mother) and like to march through the shopping center knowing what they want and cannot be bothered with people who walk slow and abandon their trolly's everywhere and anywhere. I would agree with this tactic as it gets you done in the optimum time. The enemy is the slow walker/danderer. Now I understand if it is an old person or someone who has a disability if they walk slow fine, they have a reason and I am happy to slow my pace down in order not to be rude, but see if you are a perfectly fit person who has the ability to walk at a moderate pace, then please do so, for the sake of my mother's mental health! My least favorite person to see shopping is the angry mother. I can see why shopping would wind you up but don't take it out on your kid! It makes me sad :( I do like seeing toddlers on the leashes though, its quite considerate of their parents as it means they cannot run away and if they fall, you notice and they are easily hoiked up again! I was one of these toddlers as I endlessly tried to escape from my mum or dad. Funny story actually and this will paint the picture of what kind of child I was!

One day my mum was coming home from shopping and obviously didn't leave the door open while retrieving bags of shopping from the car as she had two young children at the time here we are:

I'm about 2 and my brother is about 4 here :) Aren't we quite the cute pair!? I love my blue dress :3 ANYWAY.

So I discovered that I was now tall enough to reach the door handle fantastic news for an escape artist! I liked to get out of whatever my parents put me in, pram, cot whatever it was, I got out. The house was no different now I had reached the glorious height of the mighty door handle. So I simply opened the door and got to the top of our drive way when our neighbor asks, "I think you should go back inside." When I fold my arms boldly and say, "NO." What a little madam! So this goes on when my mum comes out and drags me into the house... the end! 

Paha anyways, this has been an average post and it's late, I have to get up early WAHHH. But it's for church so it's all good in da hood! 

Here's a more recent picture of me and my brother before I leave:

Apparently we look the same... I don't know about that, I'll let you decide for yourself :P

Goodnight!

Charlotte :3

Some Funny Memories

So today's post is going to highlight a funny event in school and a funny event from 2 weeks ago on the way to a beautiful place, the nendrum in Newtownards.

This is a picture of the nendrum :) It is such a beautiful, peaceful place that is so unseen and unheard of within 1/2 an hour of where I live.

Anyway the first funny memory I'm going to share is of drama this year. We had our practical last month and during the course of the year much to my drama teacher's disappointment we messed about... a lot. I was looking through my videos on facebook the other day and found a delightful video of when we were messing about in the drama theater.

This video I find quite frankly, hilarious! It just reminds me of all the good times we had in drama and takes away the memories of the stress involved! In it we have some Harry Potter and some Sherlock Holmes and a wee bit of Laura being well... Laura. This is just such a happy memory for me and I will remember it as long as I remember my time in Glenlola.

The next funny memory also includes a video which I was reminded of today and quite frankly was in stitches when I watched it! It was such a wonderful day (if a bit cold) and it really cheered me up because on that day I wasn't the happy Charlotte that I normally am and these guys seem to always be able to make me laugh and cheer me up. Unfortunately I don't have the video but I'll give you a description, set the scene if you will. Stephen was driving Jeff, Peter and myself to the nendrum on a late Sunday afternoon. We decided to play a car game called "Last Sunday, I went to the market with my granny and bought..." and you have to go through the whole alphabet thinking of items at the market. Jeff started with 'A' and a tin of avocado soup strangely came into his mind so we went on with this and it was extremely funny and Peter videoed a section of it and we're all pretty much cracking up when Jeff gets to 'M' and very seriously says, "Michael Jackson's sparkly glove." We all of course crack up and Jeff just sits there with a very straight face! Aw man that day was funny, I was crying with laughter. If you're my friend on facebook you'll be able to find the video by going to my profile and it's the most recent video I've been tagged in so GO WATCH IT IF YOU CAN! I'm assuming if you're reading this you're my friend on facebook as I publicize the blog on there :)

Hope you found some joy from my wonderful memories :)

Charlotte :3 

EIGHTEEN

So apparently I forgot how to put up big titles until now.. oops.

Anyways, on with the blog about my 18 antics. Now I am not proud of what I did on that Thursday night in Cafe but as things go it was an experience and I've learned from it.

So my birthday was on the 3rd April and at the time I was doing street reach (this fabulous Easter outreach program) and it started on my birthday so that was fun and I got sang happy birthday to every single day of street reach.

This is a picture of me happily carrying some grass and other rubbish from one of the houses on Bloomfield estate. This was the last day of street reach and myself and Peter had a fab conversation with one of the residents.

So on the night of my birthday I went to a bar and restaurant, namely Donegans. It was a really good night and I didn't get drunk, woo achievement. I did get up and sing some karaoke. 1st time I was forced to sing the Cheeky Song by the Cheeky Girls, oh what a sight. And then I forced my friend Leah to come up and sing Super Bass by Nicki Minaj with me then Leah , Jess and I got up and sang Don't Stop Believing by Journey. It was glorious. Dinner was really good as well and I had this sweet chilli chicken escalop with chips and my days it was gooooood.

So the next day came and I did nothing for my birthday but got sang happy birthday to again in street reach haha. They thought they were funny. ;)

On the Thursday we went to Cafe after street reach. This night started out as it was going to end. I went to my friend Chloe's house for a pre and had 2 large vodka and sprites, got me tipsy. So we got to Cafe and of course I was immediately bought a drink. Great, this is how the night went on and needless to say I was drunk by the end of the night. I actually blacked out and this is when I went from happy drunk to sad, bipolar, guilty and confused drunk. Thankfully Stephen was able to give me and Jess a lift home but I didn't want to go home because I thought my dad would kill me. So he bought us chips and while he did this, Jess got out of the car and talked to someone on the phone while I sat gurning to Peter how I shouldn't being doing this and I'm not setting a very good example to my friends. Now this was wise as I shouldn't have been doing it. It says several times in the Bible that I shouldn't be too fond of wine. Now I know... it wasn't wine I was drinking but what it means is alcohol. Incase ya didn't know. 

I have indeed learned from this experience and being drunk is not good. No matter what you say. If you say to me, "Awk, it's alright! Just get drunk! God will forgive you anyway!" No. Yes he'll forgive me BUT if I go out to get drunk intentionally, then that's hurting him, INTENTIONALLY! How could I do that to my God who gave up his Son so I could be forgiven for getting DRUNK. Amongst other awful things. Every sin is equal. You can say getting drunk isn't as bad as murdering someone! Morally no it isn't but in the Kingdom of Heaven sin is sin and they're all equal. So yes it is as bad as murdering. 

Humans are weak. God is strong. Beyond what our minds are capable of holding! I'm reading a book at the minute called Crazy Love by Francis Chan and in chapter one he states:

"If my mind is the size of a soda can and God is the size of all oceans, it would be stupid for me to say He is only the small amount of water I can scoop into my little can."

True story. I totally agree with this. Our human adjectives cannot touch the total glory of God. And this is why I can now make the consious decision not to be "too fond of wine."

I hope this is of some value or someone else can relate to this!

Goodnight 

Charlotte :3      

Flashback! 

Okay so today I'm going to look back on 2011. How it was, what happened and towards the end of the year how my life changed forever.

January 2011 was well.. Interesting to say the least. For 6 weeks we had a gap year student and it just so turned out that we got on very well. Much to say when I had to say my good byes on the 13th of February I was very sad and cried a lot, more than you'd think for only meeting him late January. So that happened and we haven't seen each other since, such as life, this July will come.

March went by and nothing much interesting happened apart from my brother's birthday which he wasn't in our presence for as he is currently studying in Stirling university. April came and I became one step closer to being an adult. 17. Driving lessons started on the day of by birthday (3rd April) and I had a blast. Driving for the first time was weird and kinda scary. I didn't like the fact that there were cars coming towards me just a mere meter away because that was scary especially on corners! So driving started and I was happy, 2 lessons a week I should be passed in no time.. 2 months and 3 weeks later I passed my test with 1 minor booyah. I was beyond happy but was sad to be leaving behind a gorgeous red mini which also had black stripes and a black roof. What a hot car. Like seriously if I were a car (assuming I was not an inanimate object) I would totally fancy that car. Any way off my car fancies, my wonderful parents had bought be my beautiful ka, namely... Lola. She was indeed a show girl at some point in her life or had to have been because she is simply beautiful. 

So that's us up to June 2011. I had finished my AS levels by this point which were Music, Drama and Health and Social Care. Now I know, the first two match and the third one doesn't. Meh don't care just needed another subject so Health and Social Care it was, I'm not bashing the subject but one module of the coursework was horrific, I couldn't think of a worse topic than "Health, illness and disease" INCLUDING a really long questionnaire full of crap about how healthy people are, then immunization and then screening. ALL IN ONE MODULE. Sick. Anyway. July came and I didn't go on holiday but enjoyed my time in sunny Bangor as we got about 2 weeks of sun which was rather lovely. August came and so did my AS results, BCC. Meh was alright wasn't too impressed but hey ho got highest in the year for music way hey. That was the B btw. I also had myself a boyfriend until the day after my formal because well, he wasn't the best boyfriend lets just say. 

September, new school year and my last ever year to grace Glenlola with my presence. Awh. Well I have been there for 14 years of my life so it's a little bit sad! My last year in school has by far been the best. I've become close to people I wouldn't have thought I would ever be close to and I've come out of my shell a lot. October came and the preparations for the formal started, dresses, hair, make up, nails and tan. Yummy. Turns out someone had the same dress as me but that was alright we wore it differently. The formal was a fantastic night full of dancing and a failed rock the boat! Dinner was yummy and we got shouted at for going out in the middle of the starter to get a group photo taken. I spent most of the night with my friends rather than my boyfriend (at the time) as he was more interested in getting drunk and embarrassing himself in front of everyone so I left him to it. Day after the formal I broke up with him for various reasons and he didn't want to but I had to for my own well being. 

November came and I was happy.. ish. I had the weight of what had happened over the last two months on my shoulders afraid to tell anyone in case they thought I was lying. We were then joined in our church by 2 gap year students who were going to stay with us until the end of June (yay!). Namely Peter and Stephen the ultimate bromance. They are two of the best people I know and I'm happy to know them and have grown close to them both over the past 6 months. I was able to tell them what was weighing me down and they were able to listen give me advice and I met with a wonderful girl called Lauren (a friend of Stephen's) who had experienced a similar situation. She was fabulous in helping me get back on track with God and it was great to meet someone who didn't judge me and knew what I was going through and gave me sound advice. After this I was ready to get going, I was happy, recommitted and had no weights on my shoulders anymore! I started attending Informal Worship at my church again and oh my days is it the most amazing place to be, I feel so free and in the presence of God when I'm there and it's great to be able to worship freely with all your heart with people who are so encouraging and beautiful, inside and out!

So that brings us into 2012 which I will delve into briefly. Some point down the line I met a man called Neville. He's the leader of the gap year program Xplore (Stephen and Peter are with this) and was telling me about it and asking me if I would consider it. At first I was like no way I'm going to university it seemed like the safe option. After a while of asking me the same question I started praying about it, asking God if I should do it and according to Him I should so I was like right I'ma do it! So I said to my mum and dad and they both think it's stupid but I'm determined and praying that God will change their heart, they have a lot of people praying that so I'm sure it will happen. Neville has been a great support to me and I know he's there to talk to if I need him. Sound, sound man.

I think that'll about do it for now... It's a long blog and clearly more than I thought has happened in 2011. So 2012 should be double fun! :)

Next blog will bring antics of the big EIGHTEEN. See you then ;)

Charlotte :3 

Well... That went well didn't it?

"That was a bit of a fail Charlotte."

Yes self I am well aware I started a blog and didn't continue with it. New year and all that jazz. May... new year.. Screw it! It's 2012 and this year has got to be the biggest one of my life. Lemmi list you a few wee events:

• My cousin had a beautiful baby boy called Tyler John.
• London, January 2012.
• Turned 18 woo!
• Got close with God, learning to follow what He wants me to do.
• Decision to take a gap year rather than do Music at university dangerous I know.
• Learning to be my own person. Stick up for what I know is right and what's wrong.
• Met and become close to some of the most amazing people.
• A2 exams... Still to come.    

So that's so far. First 5 months of 2012 have already been eventful. Good but bad at the same time. Being your own person and sticking up for what you believe in is hard sometimes but hey I'm just being obedient to what God wants me to do. Yeah that's right. I'm a Christian and proud. Can be quite loud about it too. Never again will I be quiet about my faith. Jesus saved me. Boom! How couldn't you love Him?! 

Next one will be about 2011, don't worry I'll stay in the present after that one ;)

Love and Hugs,

Charlotte :3