Praying is good!

So last night I kinda was like right I've had enough of this whole panicking about theatre studies crap so I'm just going to pray about it and about everything that's been going on... everything. So I did this and well you know the way I was like ahh I can't hear God, it happened! I heard Him! It has given me so much encouragement and I just feel like renewed and I can't wait to share it with everyone on Sunday! I had to tell someone so I texted Peter about it and he was pretty pleased about it and then told me to get some rest as I had an exam today! Haha sensible person! So as I have been encouraged I feel more connected and enthusiastic about things. I've also found myself more relaxed and generally being like, if God wants it it'll happen and if he doesn't it won't! This is the way I want to feel all the time because these past few days have been horrendous with all my rubbish flying about in my head and various degrees of distraction have come about in different forms and it has gone away at exactly the right time! In my exam today (although some of it didn't make sense) I was able to concentrate and not be thinking about stuff that wasn't useful to me at all in this particular moment in time! 

Tonight I was going to head out but some people weren't able to come so I was like yano what I'll just stay in and read or something along those lines and I want to read my Bible and my Crazy Love book. Finally the desire to read Scripture again! I haven't felt it in a week so haven't been bothered with it. (I know sounds bad...). Finally the want to read Scripture has returned and I've never felt so relieved! My desire to read the Crazy Love book left as well and I tried to read it but only got through about 3 pages then I was getting lost in my thoughts! I think I let little things get to me too much. If I only did what I did last night more often and prayed honestly and just spoke to God everything I was feeling at that point in time because I was fed up! I don't want to be feeling like this and my mum even commented on how quiet I was being, I had lost my appetite and just been feeling generally run down for the past few days but now I feel alive again! Ahh God is good! I get so wrapped up when things are going well and when things are going bad, I think I'm a bit of an extreme person. When something goes good, I'll be the happiest person ever but when things go bad, I'm a bit of a downer and want to just be in my room by myself crying or have someone to cry to who doesn't really care if I cry at them and will just give me a hug and tell me everything's okay and when things are mediocre I'm mediocre or happy it's weird I need to sort out my emotions! Maybe this is part of being a teenage girl, just hormonal. I'll take that as an answer!

To be honest I just broke down before God and let it all out. He knows what's going on in my head anyway so why wouldn't I voice it to Him? I just needed to go to Him and say look I need help, I've rejected you pretty much this whole week and I'm sorry. I got 2 pictures last night, one of realization of what I've been doing and the second one was reassurance to me.

1) Got a picture of a door kinda just there with me on one side and there was no one on the other side. There were no walls just a light blue coloured room. The door was being knocked and I just looked at it and walked away. It kept knocking so I went to it and then turned away again. This to me meant that God was always there it's just that I was ignoring Him, then wanting to get back but something else came up and I walked away from Him again.

2) Picture was of these big hands being held out like a beggar but I was sitting in the huge hands as I was in bed. Completely desperate and crying like a baby! Then God spoke to me and these words were in my head, "I've got you." This was a complete sigh of relief to me. "I've got you." Like all the stuff was not too big or too small for God to handle. HE'S GOT ME. He always had I just let the weight of my general being get to me and rest on my shoulders when in fact God just brushes them off like, I'll deal with this. That's what I asked for. I handed it over (finally).

So last night was good for me, all of me! I was able to let things out have someone to talk to and I was able to hear God again. Pretty awesome, I think anyway! 

I'll look back on this blog with a smile on my face and remember what a good night I had with God! 30th May 2012 was a good night, future Charlotte, remember?! 

God has you, and nothing can take that away! He has what He has planned for you too! Pretty darn amazing! 

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11

Good night, sorry for the extensive blog post!

Charlotte :3